Made in: USA, Bulgaria (location)
Language: English
Director: Bob Misiorowski
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Laura Harring, Tomas Arana, Susan Gibney
Year: 2002

Synopsis: Jacques Kristoff (Jean-Claude Van Damme), a special secret agent of some sort, is tasked to do a simple job. The job is to escort a thief named Galina Konstantin (Laura Harring) across the Slovakian border via passenger train. Galina has stolen a super deadly virus, which must not fall into the wrong hands.

Kristoff's not pleased about this job because it's his birthday and he'd rather be with his family. He even tells the guy who hired him. But Kristoff takes the job anyway, otherwise there'd be no movie.

But shortly after the ride begins, a bunch of terrorists led by a scowly-faced guy named Mason Cole (Tomas Arana) hijack the train. Of course, they're after Galina and the virus. Soon, after lots of shouting and cursing, they take everyone on board hostage (thus giving everyone an unexpected Amtrack experience).

So naturally, it's up to Van Damme to save the day...

Oh, and does anyone know why he wears hiking books in just about every movie he's in? Weird.

The Good: Jean-Claude Van Damme does some of the best acting ever in his career…

The Bad: …which gives you an idea of just how awful the rest of the cast is. Derailed is bad. Really bad. So bad that it's beyond ridicule and becomes a depressing experience. Horrible acting aside, the editing is awkward, the music sounds like it came from a porno (no joke), and the fight choreography is about as interesting as watching a guy lose a wrestling match to a dead tortoise.

Who would like this movie: Not many people. Not even Van Damme fans. I obviously wasn't expecting to see high art here, but this movie is so mind-numbingly awful that I almost started feeling sorry for JCVD.

He's still in decent shape and can throw a decent kick every now and then…but that's pretty much the same as pointing out that corpses can wiggle when you hook them up to electrodes.

(1 out of 4 stars)

Review written by: Joe Yang

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