Crossover movies and TV episodes have been around for a while. It's a novel strategy to grow a program's fanbase, and since it's a relatively rare occurrence, even vaguely interested viewers are likely to tune in out of curiosity.
Curious George and the Zombie Apocalypse? Hmmm. Oh well. I've got nothing better to do...
Below are my predictions of what Hollywood might come up with. Yes, I admit most of these crossover concepts are ridiculous/awful ideas (like many Hollywood movies). But you gotta admit that they'd grab your attention if you knew they were coming out...
And for all the pop culture geeks reading this article, please bear in mind that none of this crossover nonsense is to be taken seriously. I'm only writing this to kill time before my laundry finishes in the dryer.
G.I. Joe and Transformers
The big-screen incarnations of both of these 80s cartoon series have made their ridiculous way to the silver screen. G.I. Joe was as stupid as it was entertaining, and Michael Bay just won't quit trying to induce epileptic seizures with those giant robots.
This crossover seems pretty logical. The original toys from both properties were made by Hasbro, the cartoons were shown back to back, and characters from both series did meet in comic book publications. And if you were paying close attention to the cartoons, the characters Cobra Commander and Flint actually appeared briefly in episodes of The Transformers.
Possible plot: Why bother? Just by the simple fact that Hollywood can't do much more to f*ck up both these franchises, they might as well mush them together into one movie just to save us time.
E.T. vs Alien
This crossover seems more like something you'd see on an episode of Robot Chicken, but a movie such as this would tackle the 80s nostalgia/reboot/long-awaited-sequel trend all at once.
Possible plot: In the 21st Century, young Elliot grows up and becomes a scientist obsessed with the search for extra-terrestrial life. Scorned by his colleagues and discredited by politically motivated rivals, he retreats to a small town where he lives in a small cottage with his aging mother.
Then one day, a mysterious spaceship crashes near his home. Checking out the wreckage on his own, Elliot finds himself joyfully reunited with the beloved E.T. Once again, Elliot decides to hide his old friend from the authorities and his mom, just like old times.
But this time, it isn't all fun and games. E.T. is not alone. It turns out his ship is carrying dozens of strange, slimy alien pods! E.T. urges Elliot to destroy them. But before he can, the US government discovers the ship and seizes its cargo. The pods hatch, aliens run amok...and E.T. is blamed.
So this time, Elliot not only must protect his old friend (again), but fend off a horde of alien creatures as well! E.T. is back...and ready for a grown-up audience this time!
Leatherface vs Michael Myers
They tried it with Jason vs Freddy, and it wasn't a complete wreck. Why not try again, doing a crossover with two different slasher icons?
The plot: Michael Myers (the killer, not the guy who played Austin Powers) gets captured and is en route to a heavily guarded federal facility.
But as he's being transported through rural Texas, he escapes and goes on a teen killing rampage. A group of his intended victims, made up of horny teens on spring break, escape and take refuge in an isolated house. But soon they learn that the family living there is just as terrifying as the maniac in the William Shatner mask.
Now having to contend with a chainsaw-wielding madman, the survivors find that their best hope is to bait Mike Myers into finding the house...which he does, of course.
Promptly losing interest in the teens, Mike Myers methodically goes after the house of freaks, butchering them one by one until he faces off with Leatherface!
Predator vs Robocop
This is a flat-out stupid crossover idea, but Hollywood can take advantage of low expectations and possibly come through with a sleeper hit.
The plot: Officer Murphy, aka Robocop, has been deactivated and mothballed due to budgetary constraints. The same fate awaits the menacing ED-209, but that crazed robot runs off before he can be captured... and apparently disappears.
But no one really cares. The streets of Detroit have become safer, and there just isn't any need for Robocop to be around.
But then, hunting season begins. The formidable Predator arrives on Earth once again, carrying his usual deadly assortment of laser weapons and sharp objects. He prowls the streets of Detroit, and wastes no time making a general nuisance of himself.
The police find themselves overwhelmed, and it's not long before they realize that pulling the plug on Robocop probably wasn't such a good idea after all.
So Robocop comes back to do some serious shooting/law upholding, and in the final reel ED-209 can return to add to the explosive finale. The sight gags and ridiculous action sequences might be worth it...especially if you're drunk.
Dexter vs. Hannibal Lecter
I think I might actually pay to see this crossover. And there's plenty of talk about it on the internet too. I mean, how fun would it be to watch two likeable serial killers pit against each other? And having Dexter up against Lecter would be a great way for the former to hit the big screen.
I haven't seen all the episodes of Dexter, so it's entirely possible that my ham-fisted attempt at a somewhat interesting movie plot may be thwarted if a Hannibal Lecter reference had been made on the show already.
But if not, then how cool would it be to watch a cat-and-mouse game between these two unfold?
Possible plot: While the Deputy Director of the FBI is visiting Miami, he is nearly killed in a brilliantly planned assassination plot. As the police scramble to investigate, Dexter does snooping of his own.
He comes to the conclusion that the would-be killer is a disgraced former agent by the name of Clarice Starling, whose presence in Miami at the time of the assassination attempt is too suspicious to be a coincidence.
Dexter methodically stalks the reclusive Starling, and just when he is about to strike, the real culprit, bound and unconscious, is delivered to his doorstep.
It turns out that someone out there knows about Dexter's "hobby," and respects what he's capable of. In time Dexter meets the infamous Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who apparently wants to enlist the forensics expert in a game. He offers Dexter the opportunity to stalk prey that the two can only dream of hunting...
But Lecter's own record is enough to put him on Dexter's kill list...which the good Doctor must surely know...
Is this an adventure that will end badly, or will Dexter and Hannibal end up sharing a nice meal together before Clarice can put an end to their fun?
24 and Die Hard
Now this is one crossover I'd really pay money to see! Kiefer Sutherland and Bruce Willis together on the big screen in their most popular roles? Yippee Kai-yay!
The plot: Picking up from the last season of the show, Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) is still on the run from the feds. He's still in New York City, pretty much hiding in plain sight. While passing by the newly constructed Freedom Tower on a chilly Christmas Eve, Bauer notices some suspicious-looking men milling around.
Jack's instincts tell him that something is wrong. Knowing full well that he's putting himself at risk for getting caught, Jack decides to follow the shady characters anyway.
At the same time, Detective John McClane (Bruce Willis), is scheduled to meet up with his daughter, who's visiting for the holidays. She, too, is at the Freedom Tower. She happens to spot Jack Bauer, and remembers that he's one of America's Most Wanted. She phones her dad, who tells her to stay put as he hurries to the scene.
Moments later, Jack's suspicions prove correct. The guys he was tailing turn out to be professional terrorists, and take control of the Tower! John McClane arrives just in time for the chaos, frantically searching for his daughter. But he has to hide once he sees that he's up against heavily armed baddies.
With dozens of hostages in peril, the terrorists make a list of crazy demands. And if they're not met within 24 hours, they'll blow up the Freedom Tower!
Bauer and McClane sneak around the building, each trying to find a way to thwart the terrorists. And before long, they run into each other. After a barrage of tough guy exchanges and one-liners, the two reluctantly team up...
Imagine the interrogation scenes!
So there you have it. An entire summer's worth of proof that Hollywood is out of ideas. And if you see these crossover ideas stolen and ending up on the big screen, you saw 'em here first.